All Stories
Oversharing
My cat ate a whole jar of wasabi last night, but not before using his paws to create a makeshift sushi bar on the kitchen counter. He's got an aversion to cilantro, I swear.
Travel
My passport expired a day before boarding the flight I spent months saving for, so I convinced the airport staff it was simply 'temporarily laminated'. To my credit, they bought the laminated passport charade until the second they looked for visa stamps.
Work
The fluorescent lights overhead are probably why my hair feels greasy now, even after the two hair ties I used this morning failed to keep every stray locked in their place.
Misunderstandings
I once wore a "World's Okayest Golfer" t-shirt and accidentally convinced our office mail lady, Mrs. Jenkins, that it was a prestigious club membership ID.
Misunderstandings
My roommate walks in on me reenacting a particularly vigorous rendition of Shakespeare's Hamlet, sweat-soaked and shirtless, with the family cat meowing along in perfect harmony, and I awkwardly pause mid-monologue, hoping I somehow merged timelines or entered parallel universe.
Food & Dining
Sarong wrapped around my hips, I stood in front of the refrigerator, frozen. We were supposed to make risotto tonight, but I had never actually made risotto without assistance.
Travel
The worn leather journal I scribbled notes into on that disastrous trip has given up its fight, pages now a mangled mess of tea-stains and scribbled out train times. I remember being convinced that a well-timed rendition of an obscure Bulgarian folk song would ease the pain of being lost in a foreign city.
Oversharing
Moments I'd rather forget involve the time I accidentally confessed my crush to the coffee shop manager during a heated debate about the perfect coffee-to-water ratio. I was mortified.
Friends
When Alex called me 'crazy' while we watched that sunset on the beach, I took the 'crazy person' label with an unsettling amount of pride – maybe because his girlfriend was trying to get a selfie in and wasn't letting anyone in the way. For some reason the smell of coconut sunscreen makes me think this is where our friendships began unravel.
Drinking & Parties
Fumbling around my kitchen, I knock over a jar of cocktail stirrers, shattering its fragile contents in a mess of colored plastic. It's exactly 7:03 PM on what I've determined is the perfect party-throwing Saturday.
Tech Fails
As I struggled to reconnect the severed wires on my latest DIY robotic project, my roommate's loud karate instructor in the flat below us made me misspeak into the walkie-talkie for what felt like the hundredth time, "Echo-1, this is Nova-12: status unknown." Silence. Probably he'd muted it by now, judging by the way he glared at me through the floor vents whenever the walkie-talkie's incessant bleating disturbed his focus.
Drinking & Parties
My hand involuntarily tightened around the cold glass as I stared at the pulsating DJ's eyes, their gaze flicking towards me, then away. I've been pretending to know this song for hours now, nodding along like some sort of rhythm-deprived robot.
Work
In the fluorescent-tinged monotony of the office, my feet move as if on autopilot, navigating a maze of cubicles that all bleed into each other in my haze of coffee-fueled half wakefulness. The constant din of keyboard clacking and stilted office chatter grinds against my eardrums like fingernails on a chalkboard.
Work
Last night, I set my company's CEO's phone to play 'Who Let the Dogs Out' every thirty minutes – a prank so juvenile, even I wouldn't have thought that far down the line. I was just trying to 'relieve the atmosphere', my boss later described it.
Drinking & Parties
My aunt's famous three-tiered Jell-O mold was already wobbling when I arrived at the outdoor BBQ. The last time I was this close to my second cousins, I was 14 and wearing a Nirvana t-shirt.
Misunderstandings
The smell of last night's pizza wafted through our morning coffee, overpowering the aroma of over-brewed grounds. I awkwardly juggled spoon and pastry, trying not to get crumbs on my interview outfit for a job I was fairly certain I couldn't get.
Food & Dining
There's still a crumb stuck to my sweatpants from lunch, a faint outline of a peanut butter and banana sandwich my mom made this morning. I remember trying to tell her I'd lost my lunch, then catching myself glancing at her hand, at the crumbs scattered on her apron like tiny fingerprints of my dishonesty.
Food & Dining
My aunt once accidentally set her dining table with a velvet Elvis painting as the centerpiece because she thought the silver glitter was for decorations, but the smell alone was enough to put me off the mediocre five-layer lasagna she'd spent six hours assembling – its bland cheese and burnt noodles a perfect match for the eerie, kitschy presence lurking between the wine bottles and the flowers; that was dinner the day I decided to develop my habit of arriving very early to family gatherings.
Friends
The smell of stale coffee clings to our conversation, a lingering reminder of last night's 3 a.m. discussion about nothing in particular.
Work
I stare blankly at the stack of reports in front of me, my mind racing with everything I need to get done. Suddenly, the coffee machine starts beeping, reminding me it's time for my caffeine fix.
Awkward
I tripped on the bus steps and face-planted in front of a group of giggling school kids. On my way to work.
Pets
My hands are still sticky from the peanut butter incident. It's been weeks since I attempted to train Lola, our hyperactive corgi, to 'shake hands'.